Training a teen to live according to the REAL sexual freedom model can be one of the most difficult tasks for a parent. But the benefit of the message far outweighs the fear and frustration that a parent might experience if the topic is never broached from within the home. In today’s media driven world that promotes sex outside of marriage on a 24/7 basis parents need to take every opportunity to instill the idea of saving sex for marriage. Research proves that when parents take an active and intentional role in this process the young people will have:

• Higher grades, test scores and graduation rates
• Better school attendance
• Increased motivation
• Higher self-esteem
• Decreased use of drugs and alcohol
• Fewer instances of dangerous behavior

Consider this, not teaching REAL sexual freedom could lead to consequences beyond your wildest imagination. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimate that 19 million new cases of sexually transmitted infections occur each year, and almost half are occurring in young people ages 15-24 years of age. Let’s set that aside for one moment, the economical cost is estimated to be $14.7 billion dollars per year.  This leads me to ask a question, is our country in such good financial shape that these types of figures don’t matter? I don’t think so. In fact, our country would greatly benefit from parents stepping up to the plate and doing their job whole heartedly in reference to this topic. Teaching REAL sexual freedom is crucial to the young person, it can eliminate risks and consequences that often last a lifetime. Will it be an easy task? No! But is it possible? Yes! Combine intentional abstinence education from the home in the midst of everyday living with character education and refusal skills and you have a teen that is moving in the direction of a healthy future.

Teaching REAL sexual freedom is teaching the healthiest choice for today and leading toward the best tomorrow. The only true way to prevent the physical, psychological, social and financial consequences that often partner with sex outside of marriage is to save sex for what it was intended to be -an intimate experience between a husband and a wife.

Our teens are living in a sex-saturated culture and they need to have confidence that they will know how to handle the pressures that will come their way.  Equip them; they will respect your opinion. Young people often shares that their parents are the most important factor in their decision making process.  

There are a number of great resources available to you as a parent. TLC Consultants wants to equip you so that you can in return equip them.  There is no longer a one time talk or the birds and the bees. Ask questions and listen, interact with them on a regular basis in reference to this topic and look for ways to challenge their thinking. Resist the urge to just say no or because I said so, instead explain the purpose for the advice you are giving. The goal is build a relationship of trust and develop and open line of communication. Many times the most important aspect of what you are doing is spending time with them so that they don’t have to go find someone to make them feel loved and worthy. Being available can provide a significant source of help and encouragement. They can make wise choices that will significantly impact their future; they just need you to partner with them in the process.

During trainings I am often asked “When do I talk to my teen about sex?” My answer is always the same. The conversation begins the day they are born.  The most important lesson you will ever teach them is usually silent… it’s the way you live. All young people are searching for behavioral examples. The long lectures and the list of do’s and don’ts often go unheard but your example of love and respect in an environment of commitment and integrity to your spouse will speak far greater than any movie or TV show ever will. 

Most teens in today’s world are searching for answers to very specific questions. They desire to know what their purpose is, who they are, how to get people to like them, are they desirable.

You have the power to answer those questions in a positive way or a negative way. Your simple day to day interactions with them and your spouse will be their definition for a relationship.

How are you doing?  Are you demonstrating what it means to put others needs in front of your own? Do you acknowledge that life is full of tough times but you are willing to work through it together?  Whether we like it or not our intentional and sometimes unintentional example will be the basis for how our teens choose to function in reference to relationships.

There are some great resources available in reference to parenting -but a book or magazine article cannot replace the ongoing effort that it will take to raise a young person to value themselves enough to choose REAL sexual freedom. As the parent you do have your work cut out for you, but it’s a job worth fighting for. Allow the TLC Consultants resources to assist you in the process.

By Talli Moellering

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